An abortive attempt to save this blog

Accredited with a 3-star rating by the National Board of Non-sense.

(Warning: What u see below is nothing but pure, unadulterated crap. Absolute drivel. Crude, unrefined nonsense. This was something i wrote way back in 2008, and it's been sitting in my Drafts list ever since. This most immature article may feature in this blog only temporarily, and is subject to removal without prior notice. Oh, and please see the list of Fav. Posts if u came looking for something serious! Er..yeah, that's about it!)

Farm pigs, especially some famous ones, have been believed to be highly fussy about hunger. As in the words of the great Lord Styworth Piggington (1567 A.D-present), "Man generally disapproves of pigs. Pigs have no self-respect; they eat just about everything"..Yes, you may nod in agreement, while realising in the process, that man has "necks" that help him to nod; something evolution has been cruel to pigs about!! Ha!! Another point to score!!

But The International Society of Farm Animal Lovers (popularly known as ISFAL).. recently conducted a survey- 'On the Dining Preferences of pigs, irrespective of their class, creed, race, religion etc.' The results were revolting..

Speaking of revolting, lets all remember that the mighty Lord Styworth, who once redeemed these lovely creatures unfit and unwanted on God's Green Earth, is still alive and kicking.. The Results of the Survey, page 3 would alone be capable of putting his long line of pig-hating ancestors to eternal shame.. ISFAL revealed that on an average, pigs refused 172 samples of food out of the 200 they were offered..hmm.. hungry? maybe.. but choosy? yes, very much..

Even though he himself looks more like a pig nowadays than human, Lord S.Piggington took in the results pretty hard.. ISFAL caught up with "The Pig Witch", who was banished from his land about 400 years ago, due to reasons that have been cleverly manipulated in "The Pig Crime Records, 1590-1610."..

Well, she attributes his pig-like features to an ancient curse that distraught leaders, of renowned sties all over the world, cast upon the unfortunate man.

Stylus Magnopiggus, an ISFAL activist was almost sentimental: "Hungry, or 'greedy', as these pigs are usually referred to, maybe true..but self-esteem and Respect-for-the-Sty are more important issues in their lives..This man (Lord S.P) ought to be thrown to the hounds, for he had rendered the pigs' existence void meaning..by shaking their very beliefs and hurting their pride".. Magnopiggus, was reported to have hysterically shouted, "to the hounds!! to the hounds!!" as he burst into ambiguous tears of anger and triumph..

Well, let's just hope that 'La Hound Hormona' (the largest non-governmental Hound Lovers Club) does not come up with an agitation for Hound-Rights, what with the way the ISFAL activist expressed himself.. the situation may get out of hand, and Lord S.Piggington may lose the limelight.. But the time has come now for pigs to live in a world of respect..

An electronic device, called Pig-o-lator has been designed by ambitious students of Farmela University. The device seeks to establish direct communication between man and pig. Thanks to the device, the developments were reported to the Pig Chief (no, not panniyan raveendran), and He said that Sties were overjoyed. He also added that he felt hungry..

Lord Piggington, filled with remorse for his deadly sins, volunteered to grant pigs their freedom. He was last spotted outside a huge pig sty, trying to open the gate and let the pigs out. A stampede ensued when the gates were thrown open and the Lord was trampled to an inhuman, even unpiggish death.. and the hounds then arrived, punctual for their meal as usual..

ISFAL has hereby concluded that
a)irrespective of class, creed, race and religion of pigs..
b)irespective of size, sty and food-sample-rejection-ratio [FSRR] of pigs..
c)irrespective of whether pigs have been enslaved or not ..

"Hounds are never late for a meal"

References: (ok, bibliography, if u insist..)

a) The sample rejection ratio of 172/200 was actually talked abt on Animal Planet, which i've reproduced here (with permission, yeah!)

b) Pig Witch actually exists. If u read Terry Pratchett, that is...

c) Haven't u had enough?

Agastyarkoodam: Rendezvous with nature

If you are a trekking enthusiast, or a nature-lover, I have two words for you - 'Agastya Hills'. Here, you get to walk through thick jungles and open hilltop grasslands, wade through streams and rivulets, and climb near-vertical rock mountains as u make your way to the summit, through a series of unpredictable weather changes and complete isolation from the outside world. That's right. 60 kms of trekking and three days of breathing pure air, bathing in the purest water and living in harmony with Mother nature. No points for guessing that your mobile phone would be useless in this paradise 90 percent of the time.

Agastyarkoodam is the summit. It stands at 6200 feet above sea level, the second tallest peak in the south of India, roughly located at the Kerala - Tamil nadu border. At the peak is a sanctum of Sage Agastya, who is believed to have powers such as controlling the forces of nature, and is credited with the birth of the tamil language from which other south indian languages have sprung. The entry point to the trekking trip/ pilgrimage is at the Bonakkad Forest Office. Bonakkad lies about 10 kms off the Trivandrum- Ponmudi road, and has tea estates sprawled across its slopes. At the office, what one carries into the forest is scrutinized, as a step towards ensuring safety to the forest and its family of flora and fauna. Agastya Hills are renowned for the richness of medicinal plants that they are home to.

Thus one embarks on a 3-day journey of wonderful experiences that one shall treasure in his heart forever. As for my case, I can't wait for the onset of the next trekking season. The mere thought of the place builds up the zest of adventure, your soul would want to infuse with the beauty of the place..and its then that you start your tiny little ponderings on life.. well, sages are supposed to be full-time ponderers. so, putting 2 and 2 together, we can conclude that Sage agastya certainly knew what he was doing!


The first stretch of the trek is through sparse forest, which gets thicker upward. Pleasant walk, a wide forest path, with the mid-morning sun peeping occasionally through high branches, and birds chirping and tweeting in tune to the melody that u gradually start hearing. This stretch leads you on to a set of 3 or 4 waterfalls, one of which is the Karamana river in its beginning stages. As you move from one waterfall to the next one higher up, the chill sets in more pronouncedly and the trees, creepers and vines close in on the path. If the earth is wet, you can expect a lot of thirsty leeches up your leg. ( one of these streams is actually called Attayar!) Every waterfall is a resting point. The sight of the cascade, the sound of the gurgle and the feel of the fresh rapid water is as refreshing as nature meant it to be. From certain points, the view of the peppara dam and reservoir comes in.

After the final waterfall, there's a rapid climb towards open mountain tops. Only tall grass grows here. Co-incidentally, when one reaches this stage, the Sun would be up in the heavens, and it would be scorching heat everywhere, with very little trees to rest under. This is an extreme climate shift. But yes, this is a forest and that's how it will be. This open stretch goes on for about 4 kms, but the view from here is absolutely magnificent. On a clear day, one can see town settlements near the horizon and majestic rock faces further up. It was here that we heard the trumpet of an angry elephant and ran for our dear lives without even turning back to see where the pachyderm was. By the end of this stretch, you would be gasping for breath and water. Sometimes you may wish you had never even undertaken the journey. Even now, only a third and the easiest leg has been completed. Really discourages you sometimes. But when u have a group of 8 people trudging along uphill, u simply have to keep up with them.

All of a sudden and without warning, the geography changes again. It would feel like entering the rainforest after a walk in the sahara. The next phase is called Seven-fold-mountain, or Ezhu Madakku Mala. This is one hell of a jungle. There is no proper path. You need to choose the most stable, least slippery and least leech-inhabited piece of rock every step u take. The slope is very steep, the roots of gigantic trees block your way and in some places, fallen trees themselves obstruct you. This is a kingdom of crickets and rare birds. The sky is mostly not visible, there's a green canopy throughout.

Around early evening, you reach the base camp. The first day's journey ends here with around 20 kms on your tripmeter. The base camp has been set up by the forest dept. and is managed by an adivasi settlement nearby. There's one dormitory for accommodation at night, a make-shift kitchen and a stream nearby. It is here, at the base camp that you can have your first full 'darshan' of the Agastyamala. Its the most elegant, aristocratic-looking mountain I've ever seen. Its magnetism commands you to bow to the supreme power of nature. The verticality of the single piece of gigantic rock gives even experienced trekkers a shudder down the spine.

Nights are freezing cold. Without electricity, you are just stuck with candles, using them more for warmth rather than for light. We sleep on a plain mattress on a cold cemented floor. When the wind blows in every time, you see images of antartica and penguins in your dreams..and maybe of polar bears chasing you for a meal.

The next morning is the final part of the upward journey. After yet another phase of thick forest ,we reached a point where we had glimpses of a vast wilderness of rock whenever the passing mist cleared for a few seconds at a time! It was the most wild,exotic landscape ,gleaming with the myriad water streams running down its face and seemingly disappearing into nowhere! For a moment I felt lost in no-man's land! I was conscious of a sudden desire to spread my wings and fly over the valley, glide along the breeze and break into song! The hillside was rich with wild flowers that danced in the wind and dew drops that glimmered like pearls in the morning light, as if they weren't enough to add to the whole enchantment!

Rains in a forest always mean disaster, and for us, it began to look like we were going to taste some of it. The morning was hazy and misty, attempting to cripple our hopes of going further. From the base camp onwards, the altitude increases at a very fast rate. Visibility was very poor, it was not more than 5 feet. It looked just like a spooky horror movie,especially when one knows that tigers and bears are regularly sighted in these parts of the forest. People who started before we did for the peak started coming back, saddened to hopelessness.

It is foolish to endeavour to challenge nature if it doesn't wish you to. There is a dangerous point on the route. A stream flows fast over a vast flat rock, and suddenly it falls into a deep vertical ravine, just like u see in many movies. To go further, one has to cross the stream. If he slips while crossing, he's left to nature's final cruel treatment. We waited for a long time, praying for the mist to clear so that the stream could be crossed safely. Our prayers were answered, the mist slowly drifted out and we proceeded.

After a while the path stops. It would appear to be a dead end, but there would be a tiny stream flowing down. The only way up is to walk right into the stream, and wade up its course, as if you were searching for the source of the stream. This is the best part of the whole trek. Walking literally up'stream', again is a tricky bit. You have to watch out for faulty rocks and mossy slips. The trees around you get stunted as you climb higher.

The last leg is the toughest. Its impossible to proceed wearing trekking shoes. It has to be barefoot the rest of the way up. The terrain from now on is pure rock, with little shrubs nearby. The verticality of the rock-slopes is one good reason to summon up all the alertness one can gather. The second reason is the mist, and the little droplets of water that get sprayed over you all the time. The third reason is what makes this a real adventure- The final rock-slope is very narrow, with two vertical walls on either side. If one goes near the edge, one would be gazing down at 1000+ feet of gravity travel. The rock has to be climbed intelligently, with tact, holding onto the right cracks and grooves. Because of the steepness, one has to climb on all fours, imitating a lizard on a wall.

The satisfaction on reaching the peak is immense. Here the wind is so strong that it is unsafe to remain standing. The most interesting fact about the whole place is that there is a mystery at the sanctum of Sage Agastya, and we saw it. All the way down from the peak, it was mist and even rain, with powerful wind. But at the sanctum alone, there was sunlight, clear visibility, and not even a hint of the wind that was blowing with great force ten yards away. The sanctum, is nothing but an open space, a continuation, and why nature is so peaceful within that small region alone is indeed a mystery.Then we started the return journey. By this time, the mist had completely cleared and we could even see distant hills on the Tamil Nadu side. This is how weather keeps changing, and to live every moment of it is pure bliss.

The season is only 45 days in a year. During off-season, conditions are said to be inhumane. But every time one treks on the Agastya hills, its a whole new experience altogether. The excitement never wanes because of the myriad possibilities and uncertainties that nature offers. Its a suspense-packed adventure zone, a paradise-next-door for Trivandrum...and its beckoning us again!!!

Kitchen safari

Situation. Its midnight. And u r hungry. u desperately need to get into the kitchen to stuff some biscuits down ur gut. So, all u have to do is simply go into the kitchen and stuff some biscuits down ur gut.

Welcome to my house. Here, i live in harmony with nature. Therefore, its not directly possible for me to go into the kitchen to stuff some biscuits down my gut. Yup, if i do that, i'm calling for trouble and have missed out certain crucial steps.

Its quite an old house. It's too old that it's tired and exhausted because of counting how old it's getting every year. The sight of Jerry nibbling at a piece of cheese on Cartoon Network can make u relaxed, but it's not gonna be the same kind of entertainment u r gonna get in the kitchen of an old house. U'll jump up in shock, grab ur pyjamas and flee frm the spot, stamping over several cockroaches and lizards on the way... so much mortality just for a couple of biscuits.. why doesn't the media take up this issue seriously?

Watching lions, komodo dragons and killer sharks on national geographic is such a pleasure. Even in real life, safaris r thought to be adventurous and exciting. But what the hell is a squeaky little mouse gonna do to u? well, wild encounters that r made by surprise sure do perplex and unsettle the human mind. forget the biscuits...when u try to sleep u have nightmares about mice, rats and civet cats on the prowl.. i'm not kidding.. they run over the roof like it's a vintage theme park..

Other species that succumb to old mansionly residences include certain spiders, wasps and bandicoots.. populations are chiefly confined to outhouses.. official visits r made to the kitchen when nocturnal conditions prevail.. family trips r common especially during the time of purchase of groceries.. hey, everyone needs their festival alright!!

Well, the simple solution to avoid disastrous consequences is to turn on the kitchen light from outside, bang on the door a few times, and then storm in, singing 'crawling in my skin..' Now u can have the biscuit treat.. and whats new! we have festival offers.. get some rat poison, mix it with 3-week old unconsumed laddoos and lay down the banquet for the night visitors.. the mortein magic takes their lives only when they're outdoors..

Rodents r not seen as a part of mother nature's privileged elite..( sob! sob!)..but the flipside of the pessimism is that they increase our mental alertness.. certain unwritten rules like "tap hard with ur feet when u walk at night", "U r the man before the mouse, don't swap roles" and "Rodents love mortein-laddoo delicacies" certainly smoothen life easier.. and u can digest those biscuits better..

Glossary:
bandicoot: perichaazhi;
civet cat: marapetti;
wasp: kadannal

none of the others taste good except the civet cat! so, who's gonna be my first customer, zam zam or kalavara? :P